I met with a homeschooling family to resolve their custody, visitation and support disputes. Previously, the parents met with other attorneys and mediators who did not approve of or understand homeschooling and who made the problems between the parents worse.
An attorney convinced the father that the children needed to be put in public school despite his support of homeschooling and ten years of successfully homeschooling their academically gifted children together. That attorney told the father that because the children would spend more time with the mother, who was the primary homeschooling and stay-at-home parent, they would bond more closely with her, she would be unable to work, and he would have to pay higher child support. The mother’s attorney said the courts would not approve of homeschooling and there was no alternative except to send the children to public school. The custody evaluator told the parents that he was going to recommend public school because the children needed socialization.
After being unable to reach an agreement, these parents were referred to me. As a mediator with homeschooling experience, I was able to spend a day with them to explore homeschooling issues and solutions. We discussed the underlying issues, fears, and needs of both parents and children. We discovered that both parents were happy with homeschooling. Moreover, their children desperately wanted to continue homeschooling in order to stay in their homeschooling community.
The parents found solutions that helped both of them have a flexible schedule and gave them each more time with their children than would be possible if the children attended public or private school. Under their plan, both parents became active participants in their children’s homeschooling. This plan gave the father more time with the children and more responsibility for the children’s education. It enabled the mother to pursue her dream career and help with the family finances. The parents left the mediation session as parenting partners and with the tools to help them resolve future conflicts.
My experience as a homeschooling parent of grown homeschoolers helped me facilitate a mediation session that helped these parents discover the solutions they needed. They found a mutually agreeable result that met their underlying interests. They focused on preserving their relationship and their children’s best interests, rather than "winning," because they realized in litigation there are no winners. They both won under the plan they developed together.
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